Making Sure
by cheertennis12
Summary: "You draw in a sharp breath and begin to fight, wrestling the need to continue this undercover mission versus the panic it's thrown you into. You're okay Amanda, it's Cassidy, it's just Cassidy, he's a good guy, thisisn'treal, he'snotgoingtohurtyou..." / Post 15x03, Internal Affairs - Amanda Rollins and Brian Cassidy briefly discuss what happened while they were undercover.


**Phew, if I was only as motivated in my real life as I was to get this story finished tonight. It started off as a plot bunny this morning, but something that was just DYING to be written before I leave to go out of town tomorrow. **

**If you enjoyed this, please let me know by leaving a review! One shot, for now, but if I get so inclined later on, I'm open to a sequel! **

* * *

_"West likes his men drunk and disorderly? I can do that."_

You'd volunteered with feigned confidence. You had been Atlanta's Queen Bee when it came to honey traps back in the day, so this would be a walk in the park for you. Drunk and disorderly had long been your specialty, whether you were playing the part or actually living it.

You'd suited up that evening with Fin, slipping into a dress that you'd had in the back of your closet since college. Come to think of it, you probably hadn't worn it since you were parading your ass down the street in downtown Athens on a Saturday night, and you weren't sure why you'd hung on to the garment for all these years, but at least it came in handy now.

You had to admit, Fin looked a little silly, albeit sharp all dressed up in a suit and tie to play the part of your chauffeur. You wish you'd had time for a quick snapshot so you could hang it over his head and tease him about how well he could clean up if he tried.

Like clockwork, Cassidy and West cruise up in their police sedan only minutes after Cragen put in the 911 call, jumping out of the car to begin managing the scene you'd created under false pretense. They'd pulled you off of Fin and nearly shoved you into the back of the police car, and everything began just as you had planned.

_"We're going to do you a favor. We're going to drive you home… when we get there, maybe we can work something out, see if you deserve to get off as drunk and disorderly." _He said, groping your breasts and then running the same hand up and down your leg, finally stopping to squeeze your knee. You were glad Brian was in the car, because from the way that West had felt you up you already, you wouldn't put it past him to force third base before you'd even exited the vehicle.

…

You make it back to the decoy apartment, where he wastes no time dragging you up the stairs and throwing you onto the bed. "She's a real slut bag, isn't she." West laughs. It's been a _long_ time since you've been called a slut. Two years and some pocket change.

"Yeah, she's kind of… sweet looking." You could tell that Brian was trying hard to play the part, however awkwardly he presented it.

You flop around on the bed, moaning a bit while Cassidy and West discussed everything from your head to your curves to your toes. _Look at her… at least we didn't have to shower this one._ You could almost feel the bile rising in your throat as you imagine the things this man has done to a woman who expected nothing more than a ride home from a good Samaritan.

"Nuh-uh… give me 15 minutes with her," The verbalization of intent jolts from your internal monologue as West finally lays down the law, gently planting a hand on Cassidy's chest and pushing him away. You knew this was how it had to happen, but it did little to unnerve you, thinking of how deep into this West would have to get in order to make an arrest. If Cassidy had been made to go first, you were confident he wouldn't have done anything, and the cover would be blown for you both. Still, you were beginning to regret your enthusiasm.

He pulls off your shoe, eliciting a moan as he runs his palm over your ticklish soles. He answers back teasingly as he slides the other sparkling stiletto off of your foot. You squeeze your thighs together, acutely aware that he's taking the opportunity to look right up your dress. Your cheeks flush with embarrassment as you think of your squad watching this exchange through the hidden cameras scattered throughout the room.

You look at the doorway in your peripheral vision to catch Brian backing away slowly, not taking his eyes off of you for a second. And then, the phone rings and the situation turns on a dime.

West exits the room after fielding a phone call, leaving Cassidy with simple instructions: "_Take your time. Warm her up for me._" You hated the thought of this happening to another girl, someone who wasn't undercover and playing the part. A girl who was truly intoxicated and helpless, victimized by one who was supposed to serve and protect. But not you, you were okay, you could handle this. It's the first time you'd played bait since things went south in Atlanta, but you were confident in your abilities to compartmentalize the past.

West steps out into the doorway and Brian crawls onto the bed, one knee after another. He looks at you deliberately, as if his eyes are trying to give you all of the reassurance that his words can't right now.

"I was trained for this." He says a little more loudly than necessary, and you know it's for West's benefit as he lurks in the hall. With one more subtle nod to ensure you're on the same page, _I'm not going to hurt you, _he climbs on top of you. He straddles you carefully, gripping your wrists and pinning your arms above your head, and that's it.

You're gone.

"Hey… no, no, no, no. No." You begin to squirm, your voice escalating with every syllable. Your reaction is all for show, but it's not. Your mind rages with flashbacks of the last time you were in this situation, in a run-down Motel 6 in suburban Atlanta, a deal gone bad with your commanding officer.

Brian leans further over you, dropping his head to press it into your neck.

You draw in a sharp breath and begin to fight, wrestling the need to continue this undercover mission versus the panic it's thrown you into. _You're okay Amanda, it's Cassidy, it's just Cassidy, he's a good guy, thisisn'treal, he'snotgoingtohurtyou…_

"Relax, Rollins." He whispers into your ear as you continue to fight, your eyes clinched shut, and he thinks it's all a show, and there's no way you can tell him to stop without blowing the operation completely. He avoids any contact of his lips against your skin, but as he adjusts his position, you can feel his erection pressing into your inner thigh. You _know_ it's a normal physiological reaction; Loganville Elementary playground sex-ed had taught you that long before SVU had. After all, he's a man, on top of a scantily clad female, acting the part. But he's Olivia's _boyfriend, _he's pretending to assault you, and now he's getting turned on by it, and you can't handle the memories this is digging up. Not when you haven't quite processed them yourself.

You're about to call this whole thing off, cry uncle and tell Brian that your screams aren't just good acting and to stop, _please_. It will ruin everything, make you the scapegoat of IAB, but if it would be enough to get you out of the here and now and pull your mind out of the past, it would be worth it, because _you can't handle this anymore. _

…

And in the nick of time, West comes back, informing Brian that there's been a call and the pair needs to go now. _But don't worry, we'll come back. _

He climbs off of you and tries to catch your eye, but but you turn your head, unable to bring yourself to look at him. As soon as the door has closed, you scramble to a sitting position and fight frantically to catch your breath. You push the fake hair out of your face, trying to steady your breathing and will your mind back to the present.

Fin and Cragen burst in the room few moments later to find you sitting on the edge of the bed, scrubbing your hand over you face. You pray you don't look as shaken as you feel right now.

"Amanda, you alright?" Fin asks, his immediate concern for you taking precedence over the case. He hands you your jacket and you shrug it on quickly, covering up your abundance of exposed skin from the public eye and the crisp fall air outside.

Once you've given moderately reassuring performance that you're ready to jump back in, that this is just a routine undercover operation with no personal implications, they turn their attention back to figuring out what went wrong and where the hell Brian Cassidy just went.

"Amanda, are you coming?" Cragen turns around calls to you from the doorway.

"Yeah, just… give me a second." You say with the most convincing smile you can muster.

….

A few hours later, you sit at your desk, torn between barely being able to keep your eyes open and still fighting to calm down from the night's adrenaline rush. The interrogations are underway, the processing nearly complete, and you figured you'd get a jump on the paperwork so you could justify hitting the sack once you got home.

"Hey… Rollins." You look up to find Brian Cassidy walking towards your desk and quickly dart your eyes away. You'd spent the rest of the night avoiding him at all costs after the compromising situation you'd both found yourselves in earlier. You throw on a fake grin and look back up as he approaches. _What does he want? Shouldn't he be heading home, with Liv? _

"Heard you had a close call tonight." You spit out, your cheeks flushing with the same embarrassment that's plagued you every time you've skirted eye contact with him since your undercover charade.

"Yeah. uh, look, about earlier tonight, I just wanted to make sure—"

You cut him off there, because you don't really want to know the end of that sentence, or exactly what he wanted to _make_ _sure_ of.

To make sure you weren't entirely mortified about having your coworker's hard-on pressed against your crotch? To make sure you weren't going to _tell_ Olivia about said incident? To make sure it was just Oscar-worthy acting when you panicked at your wrists being pinned above your head as he shifted his weight on top of you, and not anything more that you might want to _talk about_?

"Yeah…" You answer quickly, maintain that same fake grin and throwing in a nonchalant shrug for good measure. "Everything's fine."


End file.
